John Lennon, Republican

John Lennon

Source: Iowahawk

Ask anybody who knows me that I’m a HUGE Beatles fan. All of them. John Lennon was the driving force between the Quarrymen, which was the first iteration of the Fab Four and a controversial figure in his own right. Even though I had bought most of his albums, I found myself increasingly unable to abide the seemingly radical views of John Lennon. Still, I reasoned that one didn’t need to love Mozart’s follies to love Mozart’s music.

I’ll never forget where I was or what I was doing that Monday night in December when I heard that Lennon had been shot by a crazed assassin. I was just 20 years old and my world had been shattered. It was inconceivable to me to imagine a world without a Beatle. The worldwide outpouring of grief was unprecendented. On the day of his memorial, millions of people gathered in various public squares and listened to Beatles’ tributes. When the song “A Day in the Life” (the last track on St Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band) was playing, we knew that we would all soon engage in a predetermined a moment of silence. Radio stations throughout the world were going to “go dark” for 10 minutes. Even the Muzak stations would switch to their elevator-music versions of Beatles hits.

It was powerful.

Now comes word from Fred Seaman, a personal assistant to John Lennon in the last few years of his life that Lennon was actually becoming quite conservative. So much so that he was a great admirer of Ronald Reagan. Had there been clues? Looking back, I remember that he bought bullet-proof vests for the NYPD. He certainly was making a bushel load of money. Anyway, the truth (though gratifying to me) is probably causing thousands of liberal heads to explode.

With all this in mind, please take the time to enjoy these parodies from Iowahawk.

…according to this report, anyway. If so, it’s maybe time to revisit his catalog*. With apologies. 

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Picture Bin Laden with your night vision gunscope
Scratching himself, watching reruns of M*A*S*H
Somebody signals and gives you the go-sign
It’s time to take out the trash

SEAL team commandos appear at the door
Waiting to blow him away
Shoot at the deer with headlights in his eyes
And he’s gone

Jihadi in the sky with virgins
Jihadi in the sky with virgins
Jihadi in the sky with virgins
Ohhh Ohh

Drag off his carcas to a hovering chopper
Where cheering Marines are exchanging high-fives
Fly the corpse off to a ship on the ocean
Dump off the deck to his hungry shark wives

Newspaper assholes opine it’s not nice
To treat anyone in this waaaaay
Point to the hole in downtown New York
And they’re gone


Imagine there’s no unions
It isn’t hard to do
No fatass thugs in purple
Bused in by SEIU

Imagine all the people saving all those dues

You may say I’d employ them
And I’m not the only one
But as today that’s too risky
Thanks to Local 301 

Imagine there’s no bureaus
No stupid OSHA rules
Nothing to fill in triplicate 
Designed by DC fools

Imagine all the business pro-duc-ti-vi-ty….

You may say I am greedy
But I’m not some lazy bum
If you don’t like it, start your own business
And the world won’t seem as fun


Delta to Miami Beach flight 803
Man I really hate to fly
At the gate his hands were on my knee
And the they clambered up my thigh

I’m back at the TSA
It wasn’t always this way, boy
I’m back at the TS, back at the TS
Back at the TSA

Those O’Hare boys really feel me out
In front and from behind
At LAX they make me scream and shout
And ATL in Georgia loves to give an extra little bump and grind

Take me through your scanners with your paddle wand
Take an x-ray of my tool
Squeeze my nuts and call the dogs to sniff for bombs
Napolitano says it’s cool 

I’m back at the TSA
I hope this dude isn’t gay
I’m back at the TS, back at the TS
Back at the TSA


NEA and SSA and EPA and they are all together
See how they spend like pigs with no end
See debt so high
I’m crying

Regulating cornflakes, diplomas from ivory towers
Environmental impacts, Davis-Bacon guidelines
Man you’ve been a naughty boy, you didn’t fill this form

I am the wage man
They are the tax men
I pay for all us
Goo goo g’joob

HHS and DHS and IRS employees in a row 
See how they run everything by a gun
See how they try
I’m crying, I’m crying
I’m crying, I’m crying 

Dumb annoying bastards, bureaucratic imbiciles
USDA guidelines, EEOC tables
Boy you’ve been a naughty girl you missed a deadline date 

I am the wage man
They are the tax men
I pay for all us
Goo goo g’joob

Sitting in a permit office waiting for the clerk
But the clerk’s a jerk and off of work
And napping in the breakroom now

I am the wage man
They are the bag men
I pay for all us
Goo goo g’joob

FDA and Fannie Mae and FCC and BATFE
FDIC FNMAC, call the FBI 
I’m F-in’ crying. 

Alphabetic horseshit, multiletter acronyms
No one can explain them, or anything they do there
Especially the DOE

And did I mention
I pay their pensions
I pay for all us
Goo goo g’joob 


I read the news today oh boy
More unemployment, unexpectedly
And though the news was rather sad
They tried to make it gla-a-ad
They said it wasn’t all that bad

They blew 12 billion on GM
Another trillion bailing out some banks
The major networks gave them thanks
They read John Maynard Keynes
And now it’s time for bullet trains dreamed up inside Joe Biden’s brain

I saw some film today oh boy
The price of gasoline an all time high
The anchor said that it’s okay
The president will look 
At economic books 

I’d love to turn them off 

Woke up, got out of bed
More bad news came from the Fed
The dollar’s down and the prime is up
The stimulus was nothing but a bust 
Turned off the tube and cracked a beer
Had two more to calm my fear 
Found my bong upstairs and had a toke 
The country’s broke, like a psychedelic dream

I read the news today oh boy
Ten thousand holes in I-294
And though the holes were rather small
The union men will fill them all
And now you know how many men it took to build the Chinese Wall 

I’d love to turn… John…. Galt 

*Iowahawk reminds you: song parodies are the lowest form of humor

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