This is not going well, Nephew…

Dearest Wormwood,

I’m sorry that it’s taken this long for us to get back to our Lessons, but the last two weeks have not been to our liking. In fact, we’re dangerously close to losing the whole ball of wax. Before you say anything, let me explain.

First, remember that we can never be so confident of those who work with us. There is a trite saying these Humans use — how does it go? Ah yes, “there is no honor among thieves.” That’s one of our Achilles’ heels, don’t ever forget that Nephew. There is an Informant in our ranks. Perhaps he was smitten by something that the Enemy calls “conscience.” (We’ve never been able to stamp that out in these awful humans!)

Second, never trust retired Bishops. Somehow this fellow is being fed information by the Informant. (Take this down Nephew: “Memo to HQ: Make sure that the Enemy’s Camp reverts to their old way of doing things. No more retired Bishops.” Got that? Good.)

Third, never let the Operatives in any of our Missions let any of this get to their heads. What was Garklavs thinking? That he could distort a filed official report in order to make the Metropolitan look bad? What foolishness! And why compile dossiers on certain miscreants but completely ignore others? And as for our Scribe, who in blazes does he think he is, prancing about Syosset, giving orders and openly defying his superiors? How Napoleonic! He forgot that a true Mole acts circumspect and appears a functionary. Instead, he brazenly took off his disguise! (We may have to terminate his command before any more information gets out.)

Fourth, next time make sure that the Other Side is morally compromised in some way. They like to say “it’s not all black or white.” That is the way to Victory for us Nephew. Unfortunately, the new Metropolitan is not in any way compromised. Oh sure, he said some things that he shouldn’t have, maybe ignored some of the lesser minions at Syosset, whatever. But we must make sure that next time his missteps rise to the level of actual criminality, or at least the violation of their own Rules of Engagement.

Fifth, there is still away we can salvage this, although it’s a little too desperate sounding if you ask me. Get our Agents to recruit others from outside their Circle to write disparaging things. Mind you, this is not fool-proof. It looks like the Hopko Gambit failed miserably. I’m not sure that asking a Professor of Religion at some secular university is going to do any good. What’s that? This Professor started diagnosing the Metropolitan’s psychiatric condition? Oh dear! They’ve overplayed their hand again. Next time, get an actual Psychiatrist you fools! Do you think the fact that maybe the this Professor has some letters after his name, the Peasants will be fooled? I doubt it, in the old days, the old “Men with Book Learnin’ Gambit” did work to our advantage (thank you, Woodrow for all your fine work in the last century), but those days are gone. Their Insitutions of Higher Learning have degraded their standards significantly. Now, people just send their children there to engage in Bachanals. See what I mean? This last measure is too desperate by half.

As I said, things are not going well…


  1. Who was it who tried to diagnose the Metropolitan?

    I have tried to analyze things from the other side’s perspective, but the notion that the Metropolitan is having mental health issues seems beyond the pale. The closest thing I can think of is that maybe they think he’s paranoid and/or depressed. Frankly, considering all that has been happening, appearing paranoid and depressed would means he’s very much in touch with reality!

    Ah, and I read on OCATruth today that some of the other bishops think “HB controls the media, and manipulated the writing of that article”. Who’s starting to look paranoid, here?! I’m starting to think Metropolitan Jonah is not the one who needs to be checked out by a psychiatrist!

    • George Michalopulos says

      Helga, Stokoe dragooned some professor from an Ivy League university who repeated that “the bishops think that Jonah has gone off his rocker.” It’s very circuitous and not direct. But you’re right, I’m depressed about this situation. From what I understand, HB is holding up well.

  2. You should be depressed. The Synod is winning, and in a very Soviet way: trying to convince people that Jonah is crazy, and has to be isolated for his own protection.

    I wonder what they think the end game is going to be here? Do they really think the laity are going to passively accept it if and when they overthrow HB? Maybe we will. I know I won’t, and I know you won’t either, but what can we actually do? Leave our parishes? When I came into the OCA, I knew that +Herman was no damn good, and the Synod didn’t have the spines God gave jellyfish. As Stokoe likes to say, “Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose.” This changes nothing. My faith is in Orthodox Christianity, not the bishops, who are in most cases at best a necessary evil. And yet, somehow it feels that something has changed. I really do believe that what Jonah stands for is the only future Orthodoxy in America has, and that if the Rust Belt old-liners keep their death grip on the OCA, we’re going to continue our decline. I live in the Northeast, and it’s grim around here. There’s very little life in our parishes. People seem to understand that we’re sick, but nobody seems to be able to name what’s wrong. I’ve been in parishes in the Diocese of the South on my travels, and it’s like another world. Whatever they have, I want for my own diocese. That’s why I was so excited about Jonah and his vision.

    But he threatens the bishops, so he cannot be tolerated.

    My Antiochian friends have been high on Jonah for a long time, seeing him as the future of a united American Orthodoxy. What must they be thinking now? What kind of future do these blind, vain bishops promise us?

  3. lexcaritas says

    I am horrified and outraged to read on OCAtruth today that the push is now on to have +Jonah removed. If he is, then it’s ICHABOD over the door of the OCA as has been written over the doors of TEC f/k/a PECUSA. Some of us were drawn to the OCA because of the work and message of Vladika Dimitri and the evangelical, missionary vision promised by ++Jonah (not to mention the witness of Fr. Stephen Freeman and our own pastor). However, if ++Jonah goes under these circumstances and OCAtruth proves wrong about the position of ++Hilarion and +++Kiril, then, we will have difficulty continuing to devote our time, talent and treasure to an organization with the trappings of Orthodoxy but which gives the lie to the Christian Faith and its practice. Lord, have mercy on us all. Are we storing up wrath for ourselves aginst the day of judgment? (This is St. Paul by the way; not I). Where are the sackcloth and ashes? Where the call for general repentance? Sodom and Gomorrah and Nineveh will rise up against this generation in the resurrection and condemn us . . . My heart is weeping. Jersuasalem, Jersusalem how oft have I desired to gather you under my wings as a mother hen her chicks, but ye would not . . .


    • George Michalopulos says

      well said, lexcaritas! I continue to hope and pray. In a future posting, I will reveal more about what I know about the gay cabal that is instrumental behind this. I can say this for a fact right now: it is broader and deeper than the OCA. And by this I mean both here on our shores as well as overseas.