Pornography is an Affliction for Young Men. And It’s Been Mainstreamed.

Internet Porn Harms Young Men

It comes from the depths of hell to destroy their characters before they can grow into a healthy sense of who they are.

Source: Minneapolis Star and Tribune February 12, 2017.

By Fr. Johannes L. Jacobse

I am old enough to remember the sexual revolution and its dubious promises that once moral restraints on sexual behavior were removed, a new golden era would dawn in which everyone would live happily, carefree and satisfied.

It didn’t turn out that way. Today I deal with the destruction that revolution caused and try to bring healing to men damaged by it.

I mentor young men, and I see how the mainstreaming of pornography has hijacked their journey from adolescence to adulthood.

Growing up is a difficult process, fraught with all sorts of emotional turmoil that tempt young men to look toward pornography for relief. Once the seeking of relief becomes habitual — and this can happen quickly — the necessary experiences that boys require to become men are often thwarted. Tension is resolved not by learning how to master the problems of life, but by ever deeper retreat into sexual fantasies.

Today this affects more of our young men than we can count. In my experience, the consumption of pornography is nearly universal among young men, and the effects are never neutral. Researchers indicate that only 3 percent of boys and 17 percent of girls have never seen pornography. The internet now makes it available anytime and anywhere. First exposure most often occurs during adolescence, when the brain is still forming and very impressionable by graphic images.

It’s difficult to calculate in hard numbers how profitable the porn industry is. Before the internet, access to pornography was controlled, by locating distribution in seedy neighborhoods; under those limitations the price could be kept high, leading to substantial profits. Since expansion into the internet, access to porn is as close as the click of a mouse, and content is increasingly free. In the last 30 years, American porn studios have declined from 200 to 20, and direct worldwide revenue has dropped from between an estimated $40 billion and $50 billion to about three quarters of that.

Free access also means that porn has gone mainstream and become a commodity. The only accurate measurement we have of porn consumption is internet click rates or Google searches. Profits are decreasing while porn is proliferating. Mindgeek, one of the world’s biggest online purveyors of pornography, reports that it serves more than 100 million visitors a day, who consume 1.5 terabytes of pornography per second — enough to download 150 feature films.

In earlier generations, viewing pornography was seen as shameful. That’s why porn shops were located in the unsavory parts of town. Pornographers were met with scorn. Today, all that might seem quaint, even ignorant — but it concealed a wisdom that we are only now beginning to rediscover. One reason for those earlier restrictions was the fear that porn would “corrupt youth.” This was laughed off as archaic, rigid, even unhealthy. We are finding out the hard way that our elders were right.

Young men ask me what I think of porn, and I mince no words. Porn comes from the depths of hell, and is calculated to destroy the characters of young men before they even have a chance to grow into a healthy sense of who they are and what they can become. Once your mind becomes pornified, I tell them, two things gradually happen: You lose any higher sense of self, and your relationships become distorted.

The vast majority of pornography users are men, but women are also injured by the epidemic. Wives report feeling betrayed when their husbands use porn — much like actual adultery. Women enter marriage seeking respect, companionship, partnership, honesty and romantic love. The world of pornography consists of exploitation, voyeurism, objectification and detachment. Counselors report that porn use increasingly contributes to divorce.

A coarsening of the heart fosters a coarsening of the culture. When more and more young men are conditioned to approach sex as casually as drinking a glass of water, young women are pressured to join in and many do. Porn is a driver of this shift. Where it will lead as the “hookup” generation gets older is anyone’s guess. But the collapse of sexual mores doesn’t bode well for the stability of society in the long run.

We don’t need a library of psychological studies to confirm these kinds of elementary truths. Generations before us intuitively understood them. That’s why they restricted pornography to places where only the chronically addicted would seek it out. Today we blindly lead our children to a pit of destruction, believing our ignorance of the wisdom practiced in earlier generations is somehow virtuous.

How does pornography harm our young people? (Warning: frank language ahead.) The road from adolescence to adulthood is an arduous one filled with many kinds of emotional upsets. A young man can find relief in masturbation, but most soon learn that such comfort is fleeting and does not resolve the problems that need attention — or at least that is the way it used to be.

Porn has become so pervasive that it is now increasingly difficult to escape the escapist pattern of behavior. Pornography is a sexual stimulant used to compel masturbation. Initially, young men use it to flee what appear to be insurmountable emotional pressures. As the behavior continues, it becomes a compulsive habit that retards maturation.

It works a lot like drug use. Give me a young man who has a problem with drugs and wants to get clean, and the first question I ask is when he began using drugs. That tells me when maturation stopped and where to locate the problems that led to the drug use. Only when those problems are dealt with can the flourishing begin that young men yearn for.

These days, I ask: When did you first start using porn?

How does healing occur? The truth is that young men long to become stable and mature. Once they begin grappling with the hold pornography and its attendant behaviors have over their lives, something remarkable occurs. They start to experience what a healthier interior life (heart, soul and mind) feels like, and they want more of that feeling.

I tell young men that the journey of self-discovery is the most exhilarating adventure a man can undertake. This journey never ends. I also tell them to resist all false promises that can imprison the soul. The lies are like a cupful of sand given to a thirsty man. Choose the water.

We begin this journey together, but eager young men learn fast. All most need is a road map, encouragement and accountability.

Sexuality is closely tied to creativity. Flourishing first occurs when the young man morally reorients himself so that his creativity can be expressed in ways that conform to his native gifts and talents. This requires a counselor or spiritual director like me who can discern what the gifts are and guide the young man toward them.

Often the young man lacks confidence because the porn habit prevented him from experiencing the testings that otherwise would have forged it. Nevertheless, once the creativity that was previously dissipated in porn connects with success, the logic of moral self-control becomes self-evident.

Not all young men succeed. Once I was contacted by a young man who longed to serve in the Coast Guard. He needed to finish college first. He could have succeeded, but in the end he was unwilling to undergo the struggle to overcome the habituation that was holding him back.

Had he been born a generation earlier, he might have avoided the conflict altogether.

Pornography is a problem few people want to face, mainly because we don’t know how to deal with it. The Republican Party correctly called it a “public health crisis” in its 2016 platform. Defenders of porn cite First Amendment protections to fight off restrictions on porn distribution.

But porn is much more than speech. And it is not the kind of “idea” the First Amendment was established to protect. We don’t give cigarettes and alcohol to minors. Why do we stand idly by while the merchants of porn ply them with their toxins?

Young men grow up. But if the porn cycle is not broken — and in many cases it isn’t — they grow up to be man-boys. Then the pathology infects families and children.

This poisoned fruit of the sexual revolution may be with us for generations.

The Rev. Hans Jacobse is an Orthodox priest in Naples, Fla. He grew up in Minnesota and began his ministry in Minneapolis.

Comments

  1. I’m going to get criticized for this, but here goes:

    I agree with Fr. Hans up to a point, and basically I share the same view of pornography as C.S. Lewis – that the danger is getting lost in your own erotic world and not living in the real world. It can be seen as s form of idolatry.

    That being said, something else also needs to be stated, nay shouted and rubbed in thoroughly: The life we live in a feminist matriarchy is not the least bit natural and is designed to produce the frustrations that lead to the use of pornography. It is the Fem/Perv culture that is to blame for pornography, not the natural male libido.

    As I have repeated ad nauseum here to the chagrin of many, the feminist matriarchy of independent women is evil. A culture which produces lots of independent, unattached females on the loose stirring up sexuality without any sense of responsibility is diabolical. The problem is that we have rejected the patriarchy in favor of the a feminist matriarchy. In that context, given a sexual libertarian streak in our society, widespread pornography is inevitable.

    Men desire to dominate or possess women. It is a natural instinct. Dominance is a central part of the sexual attraction that men feel for women. Desiring to be dominated is a central part of the sexual makeup of females. It is very primal and cannot be changed. It is one reason why the patriarchy is natural and a feminist matriarchy is very unnatural and leads to all sorts of evil consequences.

    When the natural dynamic of male dominance/female submission or male leadership/female following is broken or contradicted, it releases a pandora’s box of demons. Single (female) parent families are one aspect of this. They lead to cycles of poverty and violence – boys don’t know how to become men and girls don’t know how to identify good men or behave around them. Gansta culture results. Welfare, matriarchal culture propagates misery.

    The same with pornography. In a decent culture – in the culture the Church Fathers approved of – you simply don’t have the temptations manifest in society because you do not have a plethora of independent young women out there stirring the pot. Since these independent young women are ideologically programmed to want to be in control of their own bodies and reproduction and therefore not inclined to defer to male lovers, males don’t know what to do with them other than use them for sex and discard them.

    Such women are not suitable for marriage or childrearing. Only women that obey/submit to their husbands can possibly be trusted to remain faithful and stable and not run off with the children leaving only a bill for child support.

    Feminists and beta males created the porn culture. They deserve it. It is the just deserts of evil people pursuing an ungodly evil worldview – feminism.

    You will not defeat pornography – you do not deserve to defeat it or rehabilitate the feminine image – until you repent and recognize that women were created to serve men, that the patriarchy is God given, and that feminist matriarchy has no other source but the devil.

    Face it. Feminism is what prevents them from growing into healthy males. Pornography is just an outlet for the conflict created by feminism.

    If ideal = “independent woman” aka “filthy whore”, then, —> pornography (and abortion, btw)

    It’s the Law of God. The Fathers warned us about it. I’ve been trying to get people to see it for over 15 years but beta-male syndrome is a very powerful delusion.

    • Kh Christina OGrady says:

      Firstly, let me affirm the strong points made by Fr Hans Jacobse. I too lived through the sexual revolution and the casting aside of social mores and all respect for any form of authority. The outcome has been the unleashing of untold demons not the least of which is rappant use of pornography. As a public school teacher and a priest’s wife I attest to the destruction of many families, schools, churches and community life by this illicit sexual epidemic.
      And I agree that feminism plays a major role in the proliferation of porn and sexual deviance and the breakdown of healthy families. However, I do not agree that healthy men and women are motivated by the desire to dominate and to be dominated. A healthy man respects loves and cherishes his woman. He needs a woman, not to exert his machismo, to dominate and keep her in her place like a John Wayne and Maureen O’Hare movie, but to learn what self sacrificial love is all about. Most truly healthy, productive, fulfilled women have been loved, encouraged, cherished by a man; a father, a husband, a brother or uncle, even by a teacher, or an employer or pastor. She has been made to feel safe and respected. In such an environment she is free to give herself in relationships with others, to her husband, her children and her culture. Such freedom makes for healthy emotional and sexual life within a marriage. Without this love and respect, a woman can become bitter, angry and destructively aggressive. ‘Hell hath no fury like a women scorned’, it says in Proverbs.
      But men need women as well. Men face incredible challenges and very few men can face them as effectively if they are alone. They need the encouragement of a woman who respects and honors them. Submission is not about subservience. It is not about blind obedience or an itch to be dominated by an alpha male. It is about support, honor, encouragement and trusting enough to risk letting another set a good course. It is not easy but without a strong woman most men will not become emotionally, sexually, or psychologically mature. Men need the weight of wife and family to move beyond fist bumping, pubescent male posturing that is emotionally impacting. Sometimes men need a gentle female voice to tell them how truly great they are and how much they can accomplish if they just push through. And sometimes they need a strong voice for a woman to tell them to buck up, and get real. In the words of Vic Moretti to Walt Longmire, “don’t give me any of that monosyllabic Gary Cooper crap, talk to me!”
      In short, we need each other, men and women, our needs are different but the same. Love respect, encouragement, trust, and honesty. Healthy relationship between men and women is a strong antidote to sexually transmitted diseases, physical diseases, emotional diseases, psychological and spiritual diseases that are killing our culture.

    • lexcaritas says:

      My brother Misha,

      I fear that some of your language regarding “serving” and “domination” will be misunderstood without careful definition and nuance (of what true dominion and husbandry involve and the delight of service to which we all are called).

      However, your concerns about matriarchy and feminism are perceptive. There is so much in the modern project and in the dysfunctional non-culture that we have allowed to develop and that must be repented of that, I surmise, without Divine intervention we are simply incapable of seeing it on the one hand or making the many and considerable necessary sacrifices and turnabout on the other. I hope I am wrong and will continue to pray for a deep and widespread change of heart and that many of us, in large numbers, will “come to ourselves” and get out of the pig sty and go back home to the Father’s house. I think, righteous in his generation, Noah did as much and though the Flood came, he, at least, and his family and the creatures he had collected at God’s command were saved.

      Christ is in our midst, may we glorify Him.
      lxc+

      • George Michalopulos says:

        Lex, I agree with you. Words like “dominance” and “submission” have no place in marital discourse. I find the proper words in the entire Orthodox marriage service, especially Paul’s Epistle.

        • Pdn Brian Patrick Mitchell says:

          “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22

          “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Colossians 3:18

          • You forgot to keep going, for in marriage there cannot be one command without the other; it’s beautifully circular.
            “Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” Eph 5:25

            Wives must trust their husbands in order to submit to their protection, care and decisions. Husbands gain that trust and position by loving their wives as Christ loved the Church. While receiving this type of love, women trust and respect their husbands even more, and so it goes….
            Personally, I think the husbands have the larger & more difficult calling.

            And as mentioned previously, submission is not not about subservience, or “being dominated.” THAT sounds like an idea someone borrowed straight out of pornography, not the Bible.

            • George Michalopulos says:

              Saunca, I very much agree with you.

              • Pdn Brian Patrick Mitchell says:

                Saunca and George, the issue is whether “submission” is part of the Christian understanding of marriage. We all agree that husbands ought to love their wives, but George apparently thinks wives ought not submit to their husbands. How very modern, and how very un-Christian.

                Misha has spoken very crudely of marriage. He should be more careful, lest others write him off as a crank. But Misha’s crudeness is no excuse for George’s nonsense.

                • George Michalopulos says:

                  Not at all, Deacon. It’s just that the word “submission” today has an unsavory connotation. I realize I’m being weasel-wordy here but I do believe in the headship of the man. A hierarchy exists. Most rational women understand that this hierarchy exists.

                  • Pdn Brian Patrick Mitchell says:

                    The word submission has an “unsavory connotation” today because many people have been led astray into thinking submission is evil, but Our Lord Himself submitted to the Father, doing the Father’s will, always speaking of it as the Father’s will, and thereby showing us how we are to treat our fathers. Submission is therefore Christlike and divine.

                    This is not all there is to Christianity, for we also have the loving headship of the Father. The Father gives, the Son serves. Indeed, all of the self-giving between Them is done by the Father, and all of the thanking between Them is done by the Son. This is how we too are to be “one as we are one,” in our various human relationships that are also based on self-giving and thanksgiving.

                    Between the man and the woman, the man takes the Father’s archic role as the self-giving source of the woman, and the woman takes the Son’s eucharistic role of thankful service, humbling herself and serving him as Christ served God. Toward her children, she takes the archic role and they take the eucharistic role, just as toward us Christ takes the archic role and we, the eucharistic role. Both roles are Christlike and divine. That is the beauty of the Gospel. No other God does both.

                • Michael Bauman says:

                  Submission to whom for what reason is the question. The submission in Christian marriage is to the Lord and to each other in ways that are appropriate to being either male or female.

                  In mutual submission their us still headship and hierarchy. If read with humility and discernment the Biblical/Christian vision of marriage is neither complicated nor difficult to see.

                  Read through the darkness of the modern mind, it is nonesense.

                • https://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2017-02-20/le-pen-advances-in-french-polls-as-security-concerns-sway-voters

                  I have to take my hat off to this lady. I just hope that a rightist German arises to keep her in line if she strays. Her father was a piece of work.

                  • I actually deleted this when I realized that she had changed FN to pro-abortion and same sex unions.

                    Really, though, it’s hard to say what she would do in power. It is France, after all. I mean, really I suppose she could just say anything to get elected and then govern as her father taught her.

            • Michael Bauman says:

              Saunca, I agree as well. We could debate which has the more difficult role. In reality, they are both embracing the Cross. I could not do what a woman does. No more than a woman can do what I, as a man do.

              The truth is that when both do it, focused on Christ, the yoke becomes light.

        • Ephesians 5:22-33:

          Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

          Fine, defy God at your own peril. America has been under a Curse because of its rejection of the patriarchy. The wealth here, the technology, it could have been much better much sooner were it not for the Democratic feminist matriarchal plantation. The Curses are abortion, pornography, cycles of poverty, high divorce rates, gansta culture and the violence and the drug problem – people trying to escape this feminist/matriarchal dystopia by chemical means.

          Allow women to choose and expect them to choose differently than the millions of murderous choices they have already made here and abroad (abortion). What foolishness!

          Удачи

          • Michael Bauman says:

            As usual the complimentary commandment to men to give themselves for their wives as Christ does for the Church is not mentioned. Wonder why?

            Unless a man embraces the Cross for his wife, he has no call on his wife’s submission. If she gives it anyway in faith her husband’s transformation will either follow or he will burn.

            • “…as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.”

              ..without which the teaching of the submission of the wife (which is, indeed, proper) has more in common with Islam than with Christianity.

              A man who demands a subservient slave for a wife is an ugly caricature his Prototype.

              • Personally I find it quite sad that we even have to explain and debate the subject. I suppose the bait too brilliant and the fisherman relentless. Again stay tuned for the next lure to drop. Like flies to……

      • Yes I agree, Lex. Brother Misha makes a lot of good points about feminism and such, but he speaks of marriage relationships as if it comes all from theory.

        As George said, words like “dominance” and “submission” have no place in marital discourse. Yes wives may demurely “submit” to their husbands, but it is out of love for him — it should never be out of fear of him. Submitting to a husband out of fear of him is a one-way ticket to abuse and domestic violence. Likewise, the man leads the family as Christ led the church — a sacrificial love where he is ready to give his life for his family. “Dominate” is definitely the wrong word for it. A man who dominates his family instead of leading the family in the sacrificial way of the Cross will often abuse them. The Church should never tolerate abuse and should always call it out when it occurs.

  2. lexcaritas says:

    <<Defenders of porn cite First Amendment protections to fight off restrictions on porn distribution.

    <>

    Exactly right, Father Hans. The same argument used to justify the virtually unrestricted proliferation of profanity, violence, murder, and mayhem in video games, film and television–often by people who would restrict gun manufacture and ownership but will say and do nothing about the media that foster their improper use–and which they often own or control.

    Christ is in our midst. May He mitigate and save us from the wrath to come.
    lxc+

  3. Be true to yourself, and remember that the emperor really did not have any clothes on. The innocent mind of a child knows that the images that are shown in any electronic view screen are just electrons. They what they see is not really happening in the present, and they are not part of it.. They realize they are looking at something that is not really alive It is spiritually satisfying to be real, and honest and guileless. This cannot compare to being with a real live person in a relationship each other. Teach your children to seek what is real in real life, and not to lie and deceive themselves in a prurient mind game. That being honest with one’ s self is the principle genuine requirement for authentic live giving and affirming spirituality. Real love, true love, for God and man. Chide them, saying the emperor has no clothes on, your just looking at electrons, well duh.

  4. Caroline Humphrey says:

    Daily I encounter on the internet links to what I consider pornographic material, at least by the titles: 20 hot women, 15 photographs that shouldn’t be seen, 20 Olympic women you have to see and etc etc. Reminds me of 6th grade when we discovered art books and nude paintings.

  5. Fr Patrick B. O'Grady says:

    Bravo, well conceived and expressed!
    There are so many pitfalls today, this one being a symptom of a profoundly deep issue: depersonilizing and objectifying of one another. This is what you get if indeed “God is dead.”

  6. Thank you Fr. Hans, for a critically important message that must be shared. As one led down this path – when a cousin who grew up in dysfunction and sadly, ended dying of an overdose, wanted to show me the magazine he had when we were but teenagers – i too, can attest to all you write and encourage anyone looking for a program that works to consider the Conquer dvd and study series. It will open eyes and offer solutions from Christian “sex therapists” (MDs, PhDs, pastors, counselors…) who’ve been there, suffered greatly and found what boundaries and tools can and will keep one in freedom. As life is short and time too precious to waste (what pornography does esp., to the God-seeking), we will be making use of it this summer with a number of men in our greater area who’ve asked for help! in this regard. Trailer and material found here https://conquerseries.com/resources/

  7. Fr. George Washburn says:

    Right on, Fr. Johannes, as we used to say – and sometimes still do, I guess!

  8. pelagiaeast says:

    Yes, it is adultery, and old men think it solves ED, but the truth it, it contributes to ED. There is so much more I could say. It is of the devil, a terrible curse, and so vigorously defended.
    Lord, have mercy.

    • Yes, porn-induced erectile dysfunction is a known entity. When a man (esp. a young man) has ED but no medical reason to have it, this is often why. But ED is rarely a problem when you give yourself to your spouse and remain chaste and only express your sexuality with her.

      Porn is an addiction, just like alcoholism. Sadly, many lives and families will need to be damaged and destroyed by porn till we as a culture realize how dangerous it is. It took a long time for us to realize this about alcoholism – many families had to be damaged by alcoholism first, unfortunately. We need a lot more sex addiction programs comparable to AA, Al-Anon, and ACA/ACoA.

      Fr Christophe is trying to help considerably: http://inexhaustiblecup.org

  9. This is nonsense. The world average is that one female reproduces for about every four males. I suppose the other three males can take monastic vows, but please. Most men will never live up to modern female expectations, and won’t be able to get within 3 feet without a sexual harassment complaint or sexual assault complaint. There is one woman for every man, but most women only want to compete for the top 25%, meaning some guys share the wealth but most men live lives of quiet desperation.

    Now, say you are one of the “lucky” who make the cut, and you get married. One used to be able to distinguish between a contract for prostitution and a contract for marriage based on the length of time and the difficulty of getting out of it, but no more. The big difference today is that a contract with a prostitute will get you sex, marriage will only get you stuck with child support and alimony payments, and good luck ever seeing your children again.

    When was the last time your priest gave a sermon on 1 Cor 7:3-5? I doubt we would have so much pornography or adultery if the Church did a better job of schooling the latest crop of over-privileged, narcissistic and entitled women on the REAL obligations that God and the Church have placed on them.

    The problem is not females, of course. It is a non-Biblical Victorian-era falsehoods about the nature of woman that plagues conservative Christians, combined with a legal and cultural system designed to appeal to and incite the darkest aspects of female character. Sure, it is no fun to be a divorced male (or passed over male), but it is even worse to be a child in the new “family”. If you are not aborted, you can look forward to your risk of sexual abuse going up 700% when mommy starts holding out on mommy’s new boy friend, or maybe he just beats you to a pulp and your in the hospital. But a girls got to follow her heart, and respect herself, doesn’t she?

    In a world where woman are free to chase only the best, and where marriages are throw away when something better comes by, the majority of men will lose out on the possibility of companionship. Even those who end up with a girl, most will never keep her.

    Porn is a symptom, not a cause. One should be asking oneself, why are so many perfectly good men of character ignored completely by the opposite sex (except when they attempt normal courting behavior, e.g. “harrassment”), and why are so many marriages (and children) cast aside on the basis of wanton female passions. Women are responsible for at least 2/3rds of the divorces.

    Can you blame men for opting out of a game of gender 3 card monte? Will the Church really overcome the moral crisis by lying to men about marriage and females, and trying to guilt them into a sucker’s bet? If you want to fix marriage, sex, procreation, it has to start with an attack on female privilege and the legal and cultural supports of female privilege. I doubt very much the Church has the intestinal fortitude to engage in such a pursuit, notwithstanding what Tradition and Biblical Sources unambiguously demand.

    Implement a Church that actually teaches and demands Biblical marriages, and a society that strikes no-fault divorce laws, takes children away from single mothers and sticks them in orphanages, that cut irresponsible people off the dole, that prosecutes fornicators and adulterers, and jails women who abandon their families, and you will find the demand for pron diminishing.

    • Michael Bauman says:

      I have never had a problem finding correct teaching on marriage in books, from the pulpit and in example.

      Marriage, for sure is lived out within a worshipping community. Part of being married is committing to remain in the congregation, not skipping off “for better opportunity”.

      There is also, the difficulty of dealing with the pervasive sin surrounding courting and marriage.
      Particularly with those who divorce and later want to marrying again in the Church. Pornography will be found in the heart of many of these tragedies I suspect. Equally difficult is the often on-going financial and custody battles.

      No one, it seems, ever really divorces. They go on being married to each other in conflict. Like the movie: War of the Roses.

      Pornography is both a symptom and a cause, but it is not the only problem.

  10. It is only self willed men and women who desire to dominate each other. The Gift of the Magi was not a product of domination and submission. It was true love, self sacrificing love, of the kind people can have who are authentic Christians Women hate to be dominated as do men. The self will interferes with being true to yourself at all times, which occurs frequently when one of them just want their own self willed way. People who love each other just want to be together in trustworthiness.

    • No doubt Christian marriage has greatly improved since Eric Fromm’s “unconditional love” has replaced St. Paul’s Epistles as the basis for Orthodox teachings on marriage. In the same way, in Soviet times, we understood that Karl Marx’s communist system was the fulfillment of Christianity. St. Paul is pretty clear about what happens when society exchanges “Truth for a lie”.

      1 Corn 7:4 is pretty clear about the hierarchical nature of marriage. As a post-modernist, I can understand why an atheist Marxist outfit like the Frankfurt School would target the institution of traditional marriage in the name of “Progress”. What is sad is so many Christians have uncritically absorbed CultMarx beliefs and “integrated” them with the faith.

      Rather than ad hominems against those who challenge CultMarx Orthodoxy, perhaps these less self-willed individuals will familiarize themselves with the actual workings of the so-called “Family Courts” and pay attention to the spiritually and physically damaged children and young people in our “Juvenile” and “Criminal Courts”, raised with no fathers, abused and neglected, and living amongst a string of half-brothers and sisters. Only when people start accepting that the rising divorce rate, the fact that most of the poor and working class don’t even bother to marry anymore, the rising rate of child abuse and neglect, and the opioid crisis are directly related to the cultural revolution they have been pushing for 50 years, can we have a discussion.

      Monogamy and patriarchy are the norm in most of the world because they encourage male investment in offspring, which results in healthier and stronger offspring, not because men are such dominating brutes. Substituting female hypergamy and matriarchy discourages male investment in children, resulting in worse outcomes for children. The battle is not about domination, it is about doing our best to see our children have a brighter future. In other words, the “self-sacrificing” love should not be directed to the woman, but by father and mother to the children in the form of a patriarchal family.

      • KD,

        “Domination” is just the receiving end of “submitting”, like yin and yang. Until they have ears to hear and eyes to see all our preaching will not touch them.

      • M. Stankovich says:

        Someone needs to empathize with you for the prettiest girls in school somehow desiring the quarterback and not you. Personally, I just can’t seem to find it in me. Apparently the “choice” of lover and/or mate is an incredibly more complex process than you can fathom – including all the gifts of ego-strength, such as humility, continence, sobriety, trustworthiness, fairness, justice, respect, empathy, and warmth. Who would have thought? Secondly, I find it difficult to respect those who would not follow their own admonishments, in this case, if you intend to mock the nature of the anthropology, theology, and Tradition of the Church, you would first “familiarize” yourself with the Scripture and the writings of the Holy Fathers. They are infinitely more authoritative than talk radio.

        Elsewhere, I grant He gives to the husband abundant precedence, both in the New Testament, and the Old saying, (ἡ ἀποστρόφή σου, LXX. Genesis 3:16.) “Your turning shall be towards your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Paul does so as well by making a distinction thus, and writing, (Eph. 5:25-33) “Husbands, love your wives; and let the wife see that she reverence her husband.” But in this place we hear no more of greater and less, but it is one and the same right. Now why is this? Because his speech was about chastity [ἔνθα δὲ σωφροσύνης λόγος]. “In all other things,” says he, “let the husband have the prerogative; but not so where the question is about chastity.” “The husband has no power over his own body, neither the wife.” There is great equality of honor, and no prerogative.

        St. Chrysostom, Homily 19 on First Corinthians, PG 61.152

        This would suggest that, rather than a consequence of ad hominem, you are not prepared for the discussion. Scott can get away with this bullshit by virtue of volume and “apocalyptic ostentation.” You don’t seem to me affected enough, nor intelligent enough to to rely simply on rude aggression. Yet. And while I’m not a betting man, I somehow imagine you’re not finished.

        • You imagine correctly. Your drivel is vacuous as usual.

          Did you see this? It is delicious:

          http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2017/02/loud-arab-call-prayer-times-square-muslims-protest-trump-shout-allahu-akbar-video/

        • M. Stankovich:

          I think you cast me as the wrong character. My parents were the typical baby boomer degenerates. I was raised by wolves and taught to be a wolf, and although I have found truth in Orthodoxy, it is not your Frankfurt School “Orthodoxy”.

          [As far as my own, personal experiences and youthful indiscretions, strangely, women do seem to find the wolves appealing, especially feminists. As Misha says, Yin and Yang.]

          If you want to convert wolves back into men, then you have to start thinking about how boys turn into wolves in the first place. I can assure you it has very little to do with pornography. I imagine you can’t, because you can’t accept that your “progress” and “modernism” is nothing more than the discipleship of the Anti-Christ.

          Perhaps you should check out “The Young Pope”. It is not the 1950’s anymore. Most young people have known nothing but violence, sexual abuse, chaos and insecurity as a result of our glorious revolution and its inversion of nature, which much of the hierarchy has mostly accommodated itself to on the fundamental, metaphysical level, if not in outward forms.

          • M. Stankovich says:

            Yeah, yeah, KD, I met many “wolves” in prison & psych units. Fabricated people, always greater than the sum of their parts; a burden on society and unanimously ego-compromised. Attachment disorders and conflict in “object-relations” abound, cowards attempting to fill the emptiness and boredom by intimidation and cruelty. You waste my time, bro, with jingo of “progress” and “modernism,” the new tactic of intimidation of our time. Take my word, you’re out of your league. I miscast you? No, bro, I nailed it.

        • Let’s consider St. John Chrysostom’s prior words in that homily, which are more germane:

          3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.

          Now what is the meaning of “the due honor? The wife has not power over her own body;” but is both the slave and the head of the husband. And if you decline the service which is due, you have offended God. But if you wish to withdraw yourself, it must be with the husband’s permission, though it be but a for short time. For this is why he calls the matter a debt, to show that no one is master of himself but that they are servants to each other.

          When therefore you see a harlot tempting you, say, “My body is not mine, but is my wife’s.” The same also let the woman say to those who would undermine her chastity, “My body is not mine, but my husband’s.”

          Note that the male’s duty not to give into the harlot is the reciprocal duty of the duty born by the wife, to gratefully pay her marital debt, and even ask her husband’s permission before maintaining chastity.

          I think it is pretty clear if we are worried about men giving themselves over to harlots, we can presume that oftentimes this is a direct result of a woman’s offense to God. Further, if we look at the culture around us, we are raising women, even in the Church, to regard a lifestyle that is offensive to God as normal and good. Can we wonder that men are flocking to harlots? St. John Chrysostom would not.

          It is very strange to read an Orthodox discussion of the problem of “pornography” were the behaviors of modern women aren’t even worthy of mention, when we see in the writings of the fathers they are expressly and metaphysical linked with male behaviors.

          Men display and women choose. When women are empowered by outside influences to choose evil, the men quickly fall. It is not as if Satan has not been aware of this weakness since the beginning.

          Only the Orthodox Church seems blissfully unaware, happy to replace Christ with a liberated woman on a pedestal and a pinch of incense for a goddess.

    • Michael Bauman says:

      Unfortunately, Mr. Kinsey, most of us still fall in the self-willed class. I certainly do, yet I work to actually be a Christian man and husband. Some days it is witheringly difficult and I fail.

      Most days, I simply try to stave off the fear and selfishness that tends to dominate my life by giving thanks for my wife and the fact that she loves the Lord.

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